PORTALS

20151006_133123
Michael Burns Acrylic on Masonite 16 inches X 20 inches

The portals are everywhere. And they lead to other earths…right beside this one.

I think a majority of people don’t even realize that they exist, and those that are left are mad from the knowledge, believing themselves mad, others convince them that they are mad. They know they are there though…the portals. And so they are locked away from us, or babbling foolishly to themselves about it. But they can’t understand why their lives can change so drastically for one moment to the next.

At first I thought, when I went to sleep at night, someone came changed the whole thing, and that it was a test, and the point of my day was to get back to the one I liked. Or started at; I don’t know which one I started at now, it’s been so long.

I mean there was more than one of them, you could like, you could like a lot of them; they weren’t all strange. But some were, very bizarre, nightmarish, and dangerous…ominous.

Some even with the slightest of differences. The smallest of things, the color red was missing in one, and replaced with another color I had never seen before. And have never seen since. I was the only one that noticed that, I got myself in a lot trouble trying to explain that concept; do you know how hard it is to explain the color red. To someone who has not seen it? There’s more to it than you think. And don’t ask me what the replacement color was, it just wasn’t there for me…I had no words for it, it was, a brand new color. And because my brain was not use to it, it kept popping up, like someone yelling at me. There is one were everyone likes me, and they love me. They are always doing things for me, giving me items, gifts. Or asking me to go along on unusual and wonderful experiences with them. Everyone of importance, does this… it got to the point that they would travel to my door to see me. It actually became quite horrible and annoying…people always watching me. I would go to the mall and people were watching, and waiting for me to speak to them so they might run up to me and make foils of themselves…I hated it. I was always trying to get away, escape, hide; duck in somewhere, disguise, they would see through it. They knew it was me.

20160902_165309

Digital photograph Michael Burns 2016

Wherever I would go, I’d go with the best, I live in the best house in town…

In one of the worlds I am hunted down, for doing something, I don’t know what it is that I did.  But I am tracked and chased mercilessly, and then I escape their clutches. And I always seem to be able to escape in that one. I am chased and harassed constantly. I think the point is, being chased. I think it’s about terror.

In another one, quite perplexing; the only difference was a small mole about the size of the head of a pin, to the right of the mouth about an inch and a half, and down about an inch towards the chin; everyone had it. But me… they all had stopped noticing they had it. Or never realize it at all. They had taken it for granted I’d guessed, I presumed it was because they could’nt see it anymore… but I could see it. Plain as day. There it was on everybody’s face, to the right and down, exact same place. It was the only thing I thought about there. That mole. I look in the mirror, couldn’t find it on my face. I would talk to others about it ask them if they could see it, I thought it might be possible that only I was seeing it. It was worlds like this that made me start to wonder. It took me a few years to figure it all out. These portals…

I stopped mentioning these things that I had noticed when I was a child. It got me in a lot of trouble. It would upset the ones that took care of me, the ones that loved me or had authority over me; only adults seemed to be bothered by it, children never questioned it when I told them about these things. But tell an adult and I would quickly be raced of to see another adult who was expert in such things. But strangely ‘they’ could’nt see the portals either.

So I decided not to tell anyone about them ever again. And I have lived that way since.

I notice now that as I get older that I manipulate which ones I wake up in, and sometimes if I am not paying attention I wake up inside one that I have totally forgotten I created during a night of dreaming. And then I notice something throughout that day that brings me back to the dream, and I realize the portal was into the dream.

In some way, I have imagined an answer to a question, or some profound thought I had been mulling over for sometime, and there it will be, a portal. I have sometimes played with multiple answers, just to see the outcome.

Lately I have gone back to some that I lived in for while, weeks or months and correcting some of my, how should I call it…my, malfeasance. Sometimes I take control in them…I was young then.

Yes in some I took control when I shouldn’t have; let’s leave it at that.

I think that I have discovered something that only I am aware of, or that I can do…and possibly everyone else can do it, but they don’t know that…I have thought that maybe I am the only one in this, and these people I meet are not real, I mean not really real.

20151014_171523

Michael Burns – Charcoal drawing and blue China crayon on cartridge paper. 22 X 30 inches

Maybe they are real, and they have not learned to do what I do quite yet. I know they don’t know what I talking about; could I teach it? Should I teach it?

I am not sure, I haven’t thought about it that deeply. I am too busy exploring them. The portals.

And so now I move from one to the other, sometimes back, sometimes forward. Sometimes I have gone back to childhood portals to experience a specific day, were I am clear, and young and fresh, a child, pure of heart and new, and in the Spring sun and happy…oh so desperately happy. Lusting after my life.

I have a tendency to forget a lot. I am not sure how old I am anymore? I not sure how long I have done this…maybe, I have always been doing it. Maybe, I will always do this…but it’s only limited, I have come to understand, by what I can imagine and dream.